The Lonely Island
Natalie Portman Rap
Chris: We’re sitting here today with film star Natilalie Portman.
Natalie: Hello
Chris: So Natalie, tell us what a day in the life of Natalie Portman is like?
Natalie: Do you really want to know?
Chris: Please tell us.
Natalie:
I don’t sleep motherfucker off that Yak and the durbin’
Doin’ 120 getting’ head while I’m swerving
(Seth: Damn Natalie, you a crazy chick.)
Yo, shut the fuck up and suck my dick.
I’m bustin’ dudes valves like gushers motherfucker.
Pull up to NBC and smack the shit outta Jeff Zucker.
What you want Natalie? (To drink and fight!)
What you need Natalie? (To fuck all night!)
Don’t test me when I’m crazy off that airplane group
Put my foot down your throat til your shit’s in my shoe.
Leave you screamin, pay for my dry-cleaning
Fuck your man it’s my name that he’s screamin?
Chris: I’m sorry Natalie, are we to believe that you condone driving while intoxicated?
Natalie: I never said that I was a role model
Chris: But, what about the kids that look up to you, do you have a message for them?
Natalie:
All the kids lookin up to me can suck my dick
It’s Portman motherfucker, drink til I’m sick
Slit your throat and pour nitrous down the hole
Watch you laugh and cry
While I laugh, you die
And to all the dudes, you know I’m talking to you
(We love you Natalie!) I wanna fuck you too!
(Hey!) It’s for Portman!
(Hey!) It’s for pussies!
I’ll kill your fuckin dog for fun, so don’t push me
Chris: Well Natalie, I’m surprised, all this coming from a Harvard graduate?
Natalie: Well, there’s a lot you may not know about me.
Chris: Really, such as?
Natalie:
When I was in Harvard I smoked weed everyday
I cheated every test and snorted all the yay
I gotta def posse, you gotta lot of dudes
I sit right down on your face and take shit
Andy:
Natalie, you are a bad ass bitch (Hell Yeah!)
And I’ll always pay for your dry-cleaning
When my shit gets in your shoe (What!)
As for the drug use
Well I can’t vouch for that
My dick is scared of you (Ooh)
Chris: Natalie, one final question, if you could steal a smooch from any guy in Hollywood who would it?
Natalie: No more questions.
Posted December 17, 2009 at 4:32pm
